Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
