he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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