her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
