I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
