You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
