and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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