My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
