Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
