just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
