My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
