i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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