Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
