My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
