End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
