Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Randomize
