Kiss
Puke
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
