I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
