Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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