so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
