Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
