I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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