that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
