eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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