A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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