she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
