he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
