If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
