Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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