so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
