I want to have your abortion
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
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