so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
