My underwear smells like fireworks.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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