i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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