I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You are a genius and a whore.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
