She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Randomize
