I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
