She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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