there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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