I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
