My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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