She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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