Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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