wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
where am i from again
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
