Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
