took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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