the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
