careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Less talking, more tequila
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
