I look better un-naked...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
so much tequila, so little girl.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
