I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
