She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
