u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
